The Freedoms We Need to Protect

The Freedoms We Need to Protect This week in class we were asked to read the Supreme Court Decision on Gay Marriage. For a document that had 109 pages it wasn’t that hard to read. At first, as I read it, I thought that their arguments for making the decision to uphold Gay Marriage as legal in all 50 states sounded pretty reasonable. I was even happy that they had included in their decision a passage about religious people who might not believe that such a marriage was proper before God. They said, “Finally, it must be emphasized that religions, and those who adhere to religious doctrines, may continue to advocate with utmost and sincere conviction that, by divine precepts, same-sex marriage should not be condoned. The First Amendment ensures that religious organizations and persons are given proper protection as they seek to teach the principles that are so fulfilling and so central to their lives and faiths, and to their own deep aspirations to continue the family structure they have long revered.” (Opinion of the Court section IV) It sounded good, until I read the dissentions and then I really got into what the 4 dissenting judges were upset about. They tell us that this isn’t really a victory for either side, because what the Supreme Court did, with very little precedent, is to take away the right of the people of this nation to decide this matter for themselves. They said that the democratic process was working itself out in the States as they continued to draft legislation and put it to the voters. The affirm that in the end, it might have ended up that they would have had the same result, but as the will of the people, not as the interpretation of 5 out of 9 judges on the Supreme Court. The other thing that bothered the dissenters was the idea that religious liberty could be compromised by this decision. To quote Justice Roberts, “The majority graciously suggests that religious believers may continue to “advocate” and “teach” their views of marriage. ... The First Amendment guarenteens, however, the freedom to “exercise” religion. Ominously not a word the majority uses.” He is also concerned that the majority opinion seems to give same-sex advocates a forum to prosecute and denigrate those who oppose this legislation. He says, “By the majority’s account, Americans who did nothing more than follow the understanding of marriage that has existed for our entire history – in particular the tens of millions of people who voted to reaffirm their States’ enduring definition of marriage – have acted to “lock … out,” “disparage,” “disrespect and subordinate,” and inflict “[d]ignitary wounds” upon their gay and lesbian neighbors.” So what is to be done by religious people who view things from a more eternal viewpoint? Elder Dallin H. Oaks recently said, “In these distressing times our freedom and hope can best be fostered by five actions: (1) We must concentrate on what we have in common with our neighbors and fellow citizens. (2) We must strive for mutual understanding and treat all with goodwill. (3) We must exercise patience. (4) We should all speak out for religion and the importance of religious freedom. And (5) we must, above all, trust in God and His promises” (Of Elections, Hope and Freedom, BYU Devotional, September 13, 2016). Last week in the General Women’s Session of Stake Conference, Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson said, “I worry that we live in such an atmosphere of avoiding offense that we sometimes altogether avoid teaching correct principles. We fail to teach our young women that preparing to be a mother is of utmost importance because we don’t want to offend those who aren’t married or those who can’t have children, or to be seen as stifling future choices. On the other hand, we may also fail to emphasize the importance of education because we don’t want to send the message that it is more important than marriage. We avoid declaring that our Heavenly Father defines marriage as being between a man and woman because we don’t want to offend those who experience same-sex attraction. And we may find it uncomfortable to discuss gender issues or healthy sexuality. Certainly, sisters, we need to use sensitivity, but let us also use our common sense and our understanding of the plan of salvation to be bold and straightforward when it comes to teaching our children and youth the essential gospel principles they must understand to navigate the world in which they live. If we don’t teach our children and youth true doctrine—and teach it clearly—the world will teach them Satan’s lies” (“Rise Up in Strength, Sisters in Zion,” September 24, 2016) To me, freedom of speech and freedom to exercise our religious liberty are serious matters. As uncomfortable or unhappy as some free speech might make us, it is worth to it support it because we want the right to speak our minds and to speak about those things that are deeply meaningful to us. We can help the current climate by keeping our tone reasonable and respectful, but failure to speak up will ultimately lose us more than we would gain.

Hello Internet: Here is me starting a blog about Marriage. I think I have something to say, having been married for more than 28 years and still happy and thriving. I am taking a class through BYU-I that requires this blog, but I am going to have fun doing it. The first topic to discuss is Marriage, Divorce and Co-habitation. The first thing you need to know is that we live in a throw away culture that is trying to convince us at all times that we are unhappy with our present situation. All of the commercials, internet memes, media presentations seem to suggest that if we would just change our circumstances, we would be truly be following our dreams and then we would be happy. This mythical state of being where we are always happy and fulfilled all the time is just that; a myth. There is no wonder product, no magic pill, and no lifestyle of the rich and clueless that will guarantee our happiness. We, as a society, are stuck on a hamster wheel, endless moving in circles and not understanding why we are constantly unhappy. That leads me again to the subject of Marriage, divorce and co-habitation. The studies are in, they’ve been repeated countless times over many years. Our nation is in a selfish habit of serial monogamy that does not work. It does not work. In the 2012 report called “The State of Our Unions,” we find that in Middle America, 60% of young people will likely never marry. They put it off, they settle for co-habitation because they don’t want to make a mistake and be stuck in an unhappy marriage. Sadly, most of these relationships end, because they are meant to end, leaving frustrated parents and unhappy children who wish their parents understood. A few years ago, my stepson was in this type of relationship with a woman who had 2 children from previous relationships. Her daughter looked at me one day, tears in her 5 year old eyes and said, “Don’t they understand? They’re supposed to live happily ever after?” My stepson himself was a victim of this same lifestyle with a mother who flitted from relationship to relationship, never happy, never staying with any one person for longer than a few years. It unsettled his life and still affects how he sees the world, even into his 30’s. Another chilling statistic that is mentioned in “The State of Our Unions,” is that you can see the decline of the middle class economically following the decline of marriage in our nation. Studies have shown for years that people who stay in a committed marriage over time are happier, healthier and more economically sound than those who cohabitate or those who divorce. So how do you stay in a long term committed marriage? I admit, I do not have all the answers, but this much I do know. In order to stay happy in my own marriage, my husband and I understand that attitude is everything. We have to look for the good in our relationship in order to find the contentment we need to stay in there and keep fighting for it every day. One thing that I go back to, time after time, is the happiest moment of my life. When I walked into the Salt Lake LDS Temple to get married, my groom was waiting for me. That was the moment of that day that I cherish. I realized that he really wanted to be with me. He was excited to start our life together. So when days are long, when we’re talking over each other, when the tiny annoyances build up, I go back to that moment and then I remember other moments that have told me that I want to be with him and he wants to be with me, and we can work anything out because what we have built together is too precious to throw away.