The Happy Hive

Hello Internet: Here is me starting a blog about Marriage. I think I have something to say, having been married for more than 28 years and still happy and thriving. I am taking a class through BYU-I that requires this blog, but I am going to have fun doing it. The first topic to discuss is Marriage, Divorce and Co-habitation. The first thing you need to know is that we live in a throw away culture that is trying to convince us at all times that we are unhappy with our present situation. All of the commercials, internet memes, media presentations seem to suggest that if we would just change our circumstances, we would be truly be following our dreams and then we would be happy. This mythical state of being where we are always happy and fulfilled all the time is just that; a myth. There is no wonder product, no magic pill, and no lifestyle of the rich and clueless that will guarantee our happiness. We, as a society, are stuck on a hamster wheel, endless moving in circles and not understanding why we are constantly unhappy. That leads me again to the subject of Marriage, divorce and co-habitation. The studies are in, they’ve been repeated countless times over many years. Our nation is in a selfish habit of serial monogamy that does not work. It does not work. In the 2012 report called “The State of Our Unions,” we find that in Middle America, 60% of young people will likely never marry. They put it off, they settle for co-habitation because they don’t want to make a mistake and be stuck in an unhappy marriage. Sadly, most of these relationships end, because they are meant to end, leaving frustrated parents and unhappy children who wish their parents understood. A few years ago, my stepson was in this type of relationship with a woman who had 2 children from previous relationships. Her daughter looked at me one day, tears in her 5 year old eyes and said, “Don’t they understand? They’re supposed to live happily ever after?” My stepson himself was a victim of this same lifestyle with a mother who flitted from relationship to relationship, never happy, never staying with any one person for longer than a few years. It unsettled his life and still affects how he sees the world, even into his 30’s. Another chilling statistic that is mentioned in “The State of Our Unions,” is that you can see the decline of the middle class economically following the decline of marriage in our nation. Studies have shown for years that people who stay in a committed marriage over time are happier, healthier and more economically sound than those who cohabitate or those who divorce. So how do you stay in a long term committed marriage? I admit, I do not have all the answers, but this much I do know. In order to stay happy in my own marriage, my husband and I understand that attitude is everything. We have to look for the good in our relationship in order to find the contentment we need to stay in there and keep fighting for it every day. One thing that I go back to, time after time, is the happiest moment of my life. When I walked into the Salt Lake LDS Temple to get married, my groom was waiting for me. That was the moment of that day that I cherish. I realized that he really wanted to be with me. He was excited to start our life together. So when days are long, when we’re talking over each other, when the tiny annoyances build up, I go back to that moment and then I remember other moments that have told me that I want to be with him and he wants to be with me, and we can work anything out because what we have built together is too precious to throw away.