The Joy of Repentance

In the LDS Bible Dictionary the definition for Repentance states: “The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined.”

Sometimes we are inclined to view repentance as a bad word. Nobody likes to admit that they are ‘wrong’ about things. But I like the idea that if we change our thoughts about what repentance is, we can actually see that it is one of the most empowering things we can do in our lives. We are literally choosing to believe that we can change our very nature, with the help of the Lord. Last year, I found myself in a very dark place, a place I didn’t want to stay in. I was heavy (248 pounds) and I was in pain with plantar fasciitis in both feet and bursitis in my hips. I also developed Type 2 diabetes a few years previously, which I had been controlling pretty well with exercise and medication until Covid hit. Sometimes things happen in just such a way that you are in a place where you are more open to change.

I had developed the habit of emotional eating young. I am a good cook, and I like food, so I would eat when I was tired, I would eat when I was in pain, I would eat when I felt frustration, and I would eat when people would bring me food. I was the girl who couldn’t say no. My father passed away when I was a girl, and through a series of events, I had been physically, emotionally, and sexually abused when I was young. I am not going to go into details, but, needless to say, this left me with depression, and anxiety disorder, and PTSD. Not very many people knew any of this about me to look at me. I have always had a sunny disposition and I was the queen of positive talk. For most of my married life I have been heavy, but I was a highly functioning person who led church functions, was PTA president, could teach and speak in church and other crowds and seemed to be doing just fine, thank you very much. I was really good at hiding it.

My body wasn’t that good at hiding it though. You could tell when I was going through bouts of depression by how big I got. Even though I don’t have proof of it, I’m pretty sure at one point I weighed over 300 pounds. I had even been to therapy, and just before my therapist died… (yes, she died), I was in a good place, having just been diagnosed with the diabetes, losing weight and doing much better.

But life doesn’t wait for you to finish therapy sometimes, and there is always the possibility to be thrown for another loop. There were difficult church assignments, problems in my family, and then deciding to remodel and move during a major pandemic, where I did much of the painting, sorting, packing and organizing for our move on my own, I was in a mess. Fast forward to Last Year, right about this time. I have a friend who had lost weight on this program, and she was now telling everyone that she was a health coach, and she could help. Something powerful nudged me to contact her, and as she detailed the program, it was acceptable to me. You have to understand, I have done WW, I have done my own diabetes diet, I have gone to the gym and had a personal trainer, I had walked 600 miles in one year and I had taken nutrition so I wouldn’t do one of those fad diets that are so dangerous. It had some drawbacks: the cost was a little more than I really wanted to pay, but I figured that it would motivate me to stay on plan. I wasn’t sure this was going to work for me. I would do a plan and plateau and then drop out. I could never seem to break the 200-pound mark. But I figured, since it was a month-to-month commitment and not something that hard to get out of I would give it a try.

That same weekend, my church, (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) had their bi-annual General Conference, a weekend of inspiring talks by our leaders. Our Prophet at this time, Russell M. Nelson, is not only a religious leader, but he was a world-renowned heart surgeon. They said, when he got put in as an apostle for our church, that before he fixed hearts physically, but now he fixes hearts spiritually. Well, he really does this more me, and that weekend, he gave me the biggest motivation and encouragement he could. He taught me how to use my faith to do what I should and change my heart, change my mind, and, as a side-benefit, change my body. Here is something he said about using faith to “move the mountains of misery in your life.” “Everything good in life—every potential blessing of eternal significance—begins with faith. Allowing God to prevail in our lives begins with faith that He is willing to guide us. True repentance begins with faith that Jesus Christ has the power to cleanse, heal, and strengthen us …It is our faith that unlocks the power of God in our lives.” He also said: “The Lord does not require perfect faith for us to have access to His perfect power. But He does ask us to believe.”

I remember listening to him breathlessly. He seemed to be speaking just to me, in my unique circumstances. I could repent of behavior that it had taken an lifetime to build in myself. I could become new. This was the final, hopeful, wonderful idea that spurred me on to take the challenge: “Your growing faith in Him will move mountains—not the mountains of rock that beautify the earth but the mountains of misery in your lives. Your flourishing faith will help you turn challenges into unparalleled growth and opportunity.” So here I sit, one year later, and 110 pounds lighter. But not only that, I have learned to turn to the Savior when I am sad, tired, lonely or frustrated rather than to food. I take comfort in Him and have set aside that which does not serve me. The trick is to keep on this path for the rest of my days.

What about you? Is there something you need to change in your life? I challenge you not to be afraid of it, but to face it with faith. The Lord will be there to help you if you have the will to choose and to ACT on your choice. What have you got to lose?