Fear of Missing Out or FOMO is the buzzword of the day. Advertisers, News Organizations, and Social Media Providers are driven to use this method of connection to keep people tuned in and buying whatever they’re selling. According to an article in the World Journal of Clinical Cases written by Mayanke Gupta and Aditya Sharma, this can be a dangerous phenomenon which “is considered as a type of problematic attachment to social media, and is associated with a range of negative life experiences and feelings, such as a lack of sleep, reduced life competency, emotional tension, negative effects on physical well-being, anxiety and a lack of emotional control; with intimate connections possibly being seen as a way to counter social rejection.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8283615/) All of this sounds pretty scary, and it can be really a problem when we look at it from the perspective that if we are not tuning in, trying out, or acting in a proscribed way, we will miss the fun and adventure that life holds for us. I have found myself caught in the web of FOMO from time to time. Lately all the models in the clothing advertisements that I like have a certain look. They are thin, with long, flowing, blond hair, curled ever-so enticingly as they sport their sweaters, striped shirts, or torn jeans. They wear the best hats. (This is what has caught me; I’ve been on the search for the best hat, but I haven’t found what I’m looking for. Oh No! I might miss this look before it’s gone). As I have lost the weight and am now of a size to wear basically most anything I like, it’s hard not to want all the clothes, shoes, and accessories to play up my success in my new body image. But is this really the joy I’m looking for, or is it simply a momentary pleasure?

Elior Moskowitz, a writer who posts often on the site, MeQuilibruim, said something once that really resonated with me. She said, “Self-Compassion doesn’t always mean cutting yourself slack. It means making decisions in the short term that will serve you in the long term.” The problem with the way FOMO is used by the world is that it is only a short term fix and not a solution to the long term problems of feeling competent, being able to sleep without interruption, emotional tension, anxiety, or lack of emotional control. No, if we follow the world, we will always be one click, one purchase, one minute of information away from true happiness or what I would call JOY. So how do we discover how to find true joy in a world that wants instant gratification? Last week. President Russell M. Nelson, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints flipped this term in my brain and made me think of it in a better light. He said that we shouldn’t let worldly identifiers rob us or take priority over the most important designations of being “a child of God, a child of the covenant, and a disciple of Jesus Christ.” Even if you don’t subscribe to LDS philosophy, knowing who you truly are, and what you are truly worth can help you focus on what you want most, so that your FOMO can be used in developing into the best version of yourself rather than just settling for the world’s false image of what we should want to be. He focused on the potential of who we could BE, or what our individual potential could really look like. For me, in the past year, I have been doing just that. I have been chasing things like health, a peaceful mind, and good habits that serve me in the long term. I’ve been rediscovering a relationship with good food that is more satisfying that a snickers bar. I’ve been seeing the peace that comes from walking without headphones in nature to hear the birds sing and the wind blow. I’ve been taking the time to check in with myself more, rather than check my Facebook feeds. And I feel more joy in this kind of a life; a joy that I definitely do not want to miss out on.

We should fear missing out on some things; just generally not what the advertising, political, or social media campaigns tell us. There are some experiences in life that are vital to our well-being, and when we can shift our gaze away from the world and towards something better, our lives will be better, not worse. We can move towards goals that really mean something more than just owning the newest hat, or watching the latest drama unfold online. And that will lead to real satisfaction and more JOY. I’m all for that!

Making Health Your Habit

For the last year I have been acquiring healthy habits. According to psychology, a habit is a behavior that is triggered by an event that has become so ingrained it becomes second nature to you. Some of the habits I’ve gained have been drinking water first thing in the morning, eating every 3 hours, going on my daily walk, breathing deeply when I’m stressed out, and looking for the positive in negative situations. These behaviors didn’t start out naturally; I developed them and did them over and over until they have become part of my nature.

Over the years I have developed bad habits too. I used to grab for food whenever I was tired, angry, sad, frustrated, or in the near vicinity of said chocolate. I used to be very reactionary, letting my emotions take over when I felt threatened. I used to assume that people were judging me whether they were or not. It takes time to break bad habits, time and awareness. It also takes making new habits to replace the old ones.

So, it takes about 2 months for a habit to become automatic. That means that if you are truly trying to form a new habit, and intentional habit that will help you live a better life, you must stick with it for at least 2 months. That means if you mess it up one day, you try again the next day until it becomes a consistent thing. Any good habit will take some time and effort to acquire but it is possible!!! Here is the scary part: breaking a bad habit takes anywhere from 25 to 254 days. For most people it takes at least 66 days, and the trouble is, you can’t just do it by will power. In an article on Insider (https://www.insider.com/how-long-does-it-take-to-break-a-habit) there are some good tips to help you break habits, such as altering your environment, finding an accountability partner, trading undesired habits for something better, and giving yourself rewards.

Over the last year, I have traded bad habits for good ones. One of the first things I did was learn to drink water. So much water. But drinking water is a key factor in weight loss. I’m sorry if this offends you but you literally pee away your fat. Imagine that! So instead of reaching for chocolate, I would drink another bottle of water. Now it is my go-to thing. Am I tired? Water. Am I anxious? Water. Bored? Maybe I’m thirsty. Changing my environment was also a key in changing my behavior. I used to buy those bottles of Dove Chocolate at Sam’s Club … y’know, the ones with milk, dark, and some combo of white and dark chocolate in it? So I would take out all the milk and dark and white chocolates and let my family eat them. The dark chocolate was for ME. I kept the bottle in my closet. When I started my plan, I kept that bottle, figuring that at some point, I would be off the plan and I would reward myself with chocolate. It took a lot of thought work for me to realize that keeping the chocolate was not going to work for me. There is a phrase in the scriptures that goes something like “they returned to their sin like a dog to it’s vomit.” It’s a pretty graphic phrase, but I realize that I would do exactly that if I kept the idea that it was okay for me to go to chocolate for anything other than starvation. Chocolate had become my golden calf.

Dr. Wayne Scott Anderson has said, “When we talk about what we want, it is usually tied to a pleasure principle rather than lasting satisfaction. We confuse the things that bring us immediate pleasure with the things that lead to lasting fulfillment. Most of the things that create pleasure are only present when we are doing them. … Satisfaction-- rather than pleasure—occurs when you create, do, or bring things into your life that have a lasting effect or value.” This really hit home to me. Eating a piece of dark chocolate, while enjoyable in the moment only lasts a moment. I wanted to develop habits that would lead to satisfaction rather than pleasure. So I threw out the chocolate. It was hard, and I had my son come and get the bag immediately so I couldn’t dig it back out, but since then I haven’t looked back.

So what do you want? I chose habits that bring me satisfaction, and let me tell you, my improved health, my lower AIC (I’m almost normal now) my knees and hips and feet that no longer give me lots of pain and satisfying to me. My ability to run up and down my stairs, that’s satisfaction as well. And looking in the mirror without grimacing… That’s just pure joy.

The Joy of Repentance

In the LDS Bible Dictionary the definition for Repentance states: “The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. Since we are born into conditions of mortality, repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, and a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined.”

Sometimes we are inclined to view repentance as a bad word. Nobody likes to admit that they are ‘wrong’ about things. But I like the idea that if we change our thoughts about what repentance is, we can actually see that it is one of the most empowering things we can do in our lives. We are literally choosing to believe that we can change our very nature, with the help of the Lord. Last year, I found myself in a very dark place, a place I didn’t want to stay in. I was heavy (248 pounds) and I was in pain with plantar fasciitis in both feet and bursitis in my hips. I also developed Type 2 diabetes a few years previously, which I had been controlling pretty well with exercise and medication until Covid hit. Sometimes things happen in just such a way that you are in a place where you are more open to change.

I had developed the habit of emotional eating young. I am a good cook, and I like food, so I would eat when I was tired, I would eat when I was in pain, I would eat when I felt frustration, and I would eat when people would bring me food. I was the girl who couldn’t say no. My father passed away when I was a girl, and through a series of events, I had been physically, emotionally, and sexually abused when I was young. I am not going to go into details, but, needless to say, this left me with depression, and anxiety disorder, and PTSD. Not very many people knew any of this about me to look at me. I have always had a sunny disposition and I was the queen of positive talk. For most of my married life I have been heavy, but I was a highly functioning person who led church functions, was PTA president, could teach and speak in church and other crowds and seemed to be doing just fine, thank you very much. I was really good at hiding it.

My body wasn’t that good at hiding it though. You could tell when I was going through bouts of depression by how big I got. Even though I don’t have proof of it, I’m pretty sure at one point I weighed over 300 pounds. I had even been to therapy, and just before my therapist died… (yes, she died), I was in a good place, having just been diagnosed with the diabetes, losing weight and doing much better.

But life doesn’t wait for you to finish therapy sometimes, and there is always the possibility to be thrown for another loop. There were difficult church assignments, problems in my family, and then deciding to remodel and move during a major pandemic, where I did much of the painting, sorting, packing and organizing for our move on my own, I was in a mess. Fast forward to Last Year, right about this time. I have a friend who had lost weight on this program, and she was now telling everyone that she was a health coach, and she could help. Something powerful nudged me to contact her, and as she detailed the program, it was acceptable to me. You have to understand, I have done WW, I have done my own diabetes diet, I have gone to the gym and had a personal trainer, I had walked 600 miles in one year and I had taken nutrition so I wouldn’t do one of those fad diets that are so dangerous. It had some drawbacks: the cost was a little more than I really wanted to pay, but I figured that it would motivate me to stay on plan. I wasn’t sure this was going to work for me. I would do a plan and plateau and then drop out. I could never seem to break the 200-pound mark. But I figured, since it was a month-to-month commitment and not something that hard to get out of I would give it a try.

That same weekend, my church, (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) had their bi-annual General Conference, a weekend of inspiring talks by our leaders. Our Prophet at this time, Russell M. Nelson, is not only a religious leader, but he was a world-renowned heart surgeon. They said, when he got put in as an apostle for our church, that before he fixed hearts physically, but now he fixes hearts spiritually. Well, he really does this more me, and that weekend, he gave me the biggest motivation and encouragement he could. He taught me how to use my faith to do what I should and change my heart, change my mind, and, as a side-benefit, change my body. Here is something he said about using faith to “move the mountains of misery in your life.” “Everything good in life—every potential blessing of eternal significance—begins with faith. Allowing God to prevail in our lives begins with faith that He is willing to guide us. True repentance begins with faith that Jesus Christ has the power to cleanse, heal, and strengthen us …It is our faith that unlocks the power of God in our lives.” He also said: “The Lord does not require perfect faith for us to have access to His perfect power. But He does ask us to believe.”

I remember listening to him breathlessly. He seemed to be speaking just to me, in my unique circumstances. I could repent of behavior that it had taken an lifetime to build in myself. I could become new. This was the final, hopeful, wonderful idea that spurred me on to take the challenge: “Your growing faith in Him will move mountains—not the mountains of rock that beautify the earth but the mountains of misery in your lives. Your flourishing faith will help you turn challenges into unparalleled growth and opportunity.” So here I sit, one year later, and 110 pounds lighter. But not only that, I have learned to turn to the Savior when I am sad, tired, lonely or frustrated rather than to food. I take comfort in Him and have set aside that which does not serve me. The trick is to keep on this path for the rest of my days.

What about you? Is there something you need to change in your life? I challenge you not to be afraid of it, but to face it with faith. The Lord will be there to help you if you have the will to choose and to ACT on your choice. What have you got to lose?

Have you ever been in a place where you knew you needed to move, but you weren’t sure how to get to that place where you wanted to be? Have you ever felt stuck in limbo as you just wander though trying stuff that didn’t work and giving up and trying again and again? If so, you and I are very much alike. For the last 34 years, since I have been married, and even probably before, I have struggled with my weight. You could say that I have a fat gene, that it is genetics that have failed me. You could say that I lacked will power, or that I didn’t follow through enough. All of that may or may not be true, but those thoughts did not help me change what needed changing the most. My mindset.

And let me tell you, I’ve tried it all. I have done Weight Watchers (now known just as WW) sometimes successfully since I was 18 off and on. I have lost a ton of weight only to gain it back again. At one point I was about 13 pounds away from goal, and then I got pregnant with twins, miscarried one, got depressed… well you know what happened from there. I was FAT. I am an emotional eater… or I was. Sure, I could blame my anxiety disorder, the rough childhood, the different types of abuse that I have suffered (not from my mother, let’s get that out there right now). You could even blame my love of cooking and baking (and sampling). But in the end, what I needed was to change the way I thought of myself, of food, and of how to get help and comfort.

Listen, I’ve spent years and money on counseling. I spent one year where I went to the gym RELIGIOUSLY, worked with a trainer (btw you don’t’ really lose weight just by exercising), I walked 600 mines one year (even more than that, but that was the goal). In 2013 I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and I even lost 60 pounds from the fear that they would have me shoot myself up with insulin if I didn’t get it under control. I took gym classes, nutrition classes, read books, tried new things but none of them worked for me. So what finally worked?

It's a simple formula, really. You get the weight off by a controlled eating plan, during which time you work on your mindset. This was the powerful part for me. I can tell you more about it if you want to know, but I’m not here to talk about the diet portion of this process, but of the change of mindset. I had to find a different way to comfort myself, rather than eat food. I had to find a different way to stay awake when I’m sleepy, other than food. I had to find another thing to bring me joy, other than chocolate. Since being on plan, I’ve obviously lost weight and inches, but I’ve also lost the compulsion to put things in my mouth whenever I was bored, lonely, or walking through the kitchen. I have focused on who and what I really want to be and kept that laser focus during this process. And now that I have reached one leg of the promised land, I’m off to the other. Did you know that 90% of people who lose a significant amount of weight just gain it back? Usually, 2-3 years later? I don’t want to add to that statistic. One of the main reasons I picked this program is that it has a program to keep the weight off.

So, are you curious about the program yet? Send me a message and I will answer your questions.