The Happy Hive

Friendship in Marriage A long time ago, before I got married, I had a strange conversation with a friend of mine who wanted to be a sex therapist for Mormons. (I’ve had some weird friends) We were talking about fantasies for our future and he didn’t think much of mine. I said I wanted to find someone who would still be interested in me when I am old. He didn’t think that was a very exciting fantasy, but it’s what I wanted and it’s what I still want. (Of course he is now divorced and I have been married for almost 29 years, but I digress…) When I think of the good marriages I have witnessed in my life, one thing stands out. They like to be together. They make time to spend together alone. They travel together, they play together, they go to the movies together and they miss each other when they’re apart. I think that pretty much sums up my relationship with Randy. He has always wanted to be with me and I have always wanted to be with him. My husband cares about me in a way I could not have dreamed of. When we were young and we had young children, he not only gave me time to go places on my own, without the children, but he made sure I did it. He didn’t “babysit” our kids, he is their father. He didn’t even ask for equal time (which I would gladly have given to him) or berate me for my time out of the house. He recognized that SAHMs often needed time to get away from their little creations so that they could find balance. I will be forever grateful for how attuned to my feelings he has been.

In the last 16 years we have had more freedom to travel together. I call my husband “The International Man of Mystery” because he has been to so many places and knows just how to travel. When we went to China together, he made sure that I was exactly prepared for what would happen, and I didn’t worry for a minute. He taught me how to be a good traveler and because of that I am confident to travel without him when I must. At home we are just happy to spend time together. You might think that our marriage is perfect, but it’s not. We have our little flare-ups now and again, but we always realize that under any disagreement, we are happier together than we would ever be apart. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for us. If you want to learn about having a marriage based on deep friendship, here is the link to a great book on marriage. https://smile.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1476140211&sr=8-1&keywords=john+gottman