Recognizing Who We Are

Resolving Conflicts is not a topic I’m totally comfortable with. When Randy and I got married, we kind of had a no fighting pact. I hasn’t always been that way, and we do have fights from time to time but they are rare. Sure there are reoccurring problems in our marriage. We each have things that we wish each other would do differently. I would love it if he made the bed when he got out of it (he gets up after me) and he would love it if I would remember to lower my voice sometimes. We’ve had our rough patches, some of them pretty serious, but in the end, for me, when serious problems arise, I am always reminded of who he is and why we are together. When I was a kid, I had a very rough experience in a day-camp situation. I was physically and mentally abused there. Through therapy I have come to a place where I can think about it with peace, but recently I understood to another level why this was so traumatizing to me, and how I could even come to begin to forgive the counselor who instigated the abuse. As always, these difficult, soul wrenching questions have answers that are accumulative as I study my scriptures and the gospel. This week I was reading a beautiful talk about one of my favorite stories of Jesus. The talk is called, “One Among the Crowd,” given by Elder Dennis B. Neuenshwander of the Seventy in the April 2008 conference. He talks about the woman who was afflicted with the issue of blood, and how she came to Jesus to touch his robe to be healed. Jesus healed her, and in doing so made sure that the surrounding community understood that she was clean, and he helped her understand that her faith had made her whole. In this talk, Elder Neuenshwander reminds us that the Savior knows what it is like to be unrecognized in a disrespectful crowd. He quotes from Isaiah 53: “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief … ; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. “Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” As I read that article, it came to me that I had been unrecognized for who I was, and thus I was treated so poorly by someone who should have been there to guide and protect me. I began to think about that counselor. She was a Navajo woman who had participated in the LDS Indian Placement program, where she was taken away from her home and her people to be educated in the white man’s world. I don’t know what her individual circumstances were, but I had a friend who was part of that program and I know it wasn’t easy for them. Often they were put in families that didn’t appreciate them, that could be hostile or cruel. I realized that she also is a child of God, and that to forgive her, I have to recognize that. I made a big step to forgiving her and healing this old wound this week, and as I contemplated it, I realized that this was something I have done in my marriage. There have been times when my vision might have become clouded by whatever problem was tearing at my marriage, but I realize that most of the time, when the going gets tough, I remember Randy. I remember what a good man he is. How he is a wonderful father. I love to be with him. We have so much fun together. He comforts me and knows just how to do it. He is my match in every way. We’re both getting old and gray. Neither one of us is a Hollywood version of the perfect man or woman. Randy has lost most of his hair, except on his back, and I have struggled with my weight for years. But what makes us special is that we know who we are, and we recognize it when the going gets tough.